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After trying our hand at a “real” date, Will and I realised our sizzle was at its highest within the four walls of my apartment.

So we laid down some ground rules: we were allowed to date other people, so long as we were honest about it.

Friends with benefits relationships can be really hard.

First, you have your own expectations: Are you looking for someone to experiment with, or a casual companion, or a reliable booty call?

My dating life followed a very specific pattern in my early 20s.

I’d meet a guy, we’d go out, have a good time, go out a second time, a third, and then I’d get the line.

We got on each other’s nerves a lot; he drank all of my expensive scotch, and I hated the fact that he was a smoker. We had one more night together and then we parted ways.

I was a little bummed, because I really enjoyed the arrangement that Will and I had set up.

My date turned out to be a total dud, but writer guy and I kept making eyes.“I’m not interested in a serious relationship,” he’d say.“I’m just looking for something casual.”I know I’m saying I just want to hook up at the moment, but if you stick around long enough, I’ll realise that you’re perfect for me — and we’ll live happily ever after, just like in all those romantic comedies your mother loves. I’d repeat the same pattern, hear some form of the same line, over and over again. They, too, had been dealing with paramours on the prowl for no-strings sex. But, ever the optimist, I continued to date, wary of guys who would tell me they just wanted casual sex right off the bat.By projecting my own desires onto our situation rather than hearing and respecting what they had told me at the start, I was setting myself up for heartbreak. The problem wasn’t casual sex, or the fact that it’s what they wanted.The problem was me, and denial (and maybe rom-coms).

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