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A spokesman said things turned really ugly Dig by, via em a i A: He must have lost his rag! 100 TOPLESS BABES 11 KEELEY HAZEL She's a ruddy legend, this lady, and the more observant amongst you will be able to spot exactly why. I li ke to test myself agai nst the best and this series is an How important is the home the rest of t he su m mer like we did in the Ashes, 1 know we can beat the Indians! Their batters are obviously awesome - just look at thei r stats - so getti ng 20 wickets, as ahvays, is everything, that the pitches we play on will But our attack is as good as I I hope.James Wh taker, ^ via email ^ My school has become an it's sponsored by Ikea. Ca call the plumber Runs in the family A pharmacist walks into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall, screaming and clutching his stomach in agony. " he asks his young son, who'd been left to mind the place. "Just look at him- he's far loo scared to cough now, isn't he? 5- o LO 2 HOLLY PEERS Whenever 23-year- old Manchester hottie Holly's in the mag, we're the ones peering! MELISSA DEBLING The Nats office is such a big fan of Melissa that many of us only turn up at work on the off-chance we'll see her. "8 O ALICE SEY Alice first appea r ed in Nuts last year, but she's left a boob- shaped hole burned In our minds ever since! Without a doubt, India are a really powerful side whether home or away these days, but obviously we should benefit from know ing the conditions, the weather and everything else. He's set the bar for the resl opportunity to do that.It'll therefore charge from 0-62mph in just three seconds - in first gear!With a carbon-fibre bodyshe stretched over an aluminium tubular chassis, the Monza looks as if it should be parked in Gotham City!In the old days, I'd have to take a picture of my cock, then go up to the dark room, put the photo into the bath, then hang it up to dry thinking, "F**k, when the post office opens, this chick is going to f**king get it! A woman in the USA has grown a nip ple on her foot! Thirteen more might grow and when she gets cold, she can play footy without boots! Please put a bra on your, er t Leave that f ** king nipple on her foot! 5h*t, I had something witty to say about this.** Started typing, got distracted by some pictures of people with cleft palates* . Then Edward Applehands wasn't such a bi I watched that clip of a cat playing the piano (hee-hee! After family showers, your boyfriend w*nking with a belt tied around his neck and attached to a hotel door doesn't seem quite so odd. 1 was reading about a supermarket employee in America called Andy Garcia - not the movie star, mind -who was ejaculating into yoghurt samples and getting shoppers to eat it* He was caught when a lady customer told cops the yoghurt tasted like spunk, Suspicions were also raised when he told people to let it dribble down their chin and spit it back into his mouth. or maybe Emma Glover*., in fact, I'd just vote for all my friends! And what would you insist or my boobs might shrink. OK, wild ani mals, loads of I'm going to keep up the naked Nuts shoots so you'll never forget what 1 look like!Third nipples aren't that rare, but there's never been one on a foot - and doctors want to cut it off. A h, forget it So it turns out that computer use is ruining our memory capacity, and I believe this is true because. JIM w JEFFERIESj Jim Jef Feries: Alcoholocaust Live is out now on DVD * Nuts 21 LU rr" c (J UJi -« tore Mags & Fanta MJJ Another haul of hilarity from our readers! Dear Nuts, This is me, getting my prized Nuts vest a little bit soggy ! If you could win any thing el se in the world, what would it be?New Microcomb [Power only] Helps guide stubble to the blades * Principal blades vi Fusion ** vs Fusion The Best a n Gef v 25 * *• tr 6 a: O UJ o 32Wt/fs'Next Top 34 Taliban Snipers! But here at Nuts, we always try to make a good thing even better, and with that in mind... Yes, we've upped the game by taking out one of our boobiesl chums, Holly Peers, to plank like mad with very few clothes on! "The show, also rumoured to be featuring Johnny Depp, Sandra Bullock and Sieve Car ell in cameo roles, airs on BBC2 this autumn. 4 Nut S 9 Meet the Spada Codatronca Monza amazing an Yank mash up!The results are emphatic - topless planking Is ace! RENr U Dl AN If I \ I1VI fiir "I'm pretty sure that's a foul! his Japan Airlines 747- landing gear retracting, corridor in a light aircraft? ve seen the Space Shuttle take oft wings bending with the and I've seen plenty of topless stresses of take-off - was women in SXM [Carribean snapped leaving Los Angeles airport and heading towards overflying snapper Daniel Werner at a dizzying angle of a bout 45 degrees. Veteran car designer Ercole Spada was responsible for sketching such classic motors as the Aston Martin DB4 GT Zagato, the Alfa Romeo Giulia TZ f the Lancia Fulvia Sport and, erm f the Fiat Tipo.

When a man gets drunk, he can just pay for a hand job, but when's the last time you heard a girl say she got drunk and let a Thai guy finger her for £20? How else will you retain Actually I think you guys should your top spot?The lessons are OK, but morning assembly takes ages! The hapless lad replies, *He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any so I've given him a double dose of industrial laxatives instead! AMY GREEN The 22-year-old Sheffield ass has graced these mighty pages many a time with her lovely boobs, and no wonder! LUCY PINDER Sim ple fact: no big bosoms list is complete without the fair Ms Pinder. 100 TOPLESS ROSIE JONES Ask any Nuts reader w their ultimate babe is and few of them will say, Why Rosie Jones, of course! 1 i ft r # i Rosiel How does it feel win the lottery. As I say, I'm in a really good place at the moment. Wil I It's up to us to perform and see we see the Kevin Pietersen of how the Indians respond, This is old as the summer progresses?^^|^^^^^_ Paddy Conors, via emai Q: What's the difference between David Haye and my trousers? Alex Jack, ^^^^ Northampton ^^^^^B^P ^^^^^^^ Q: Did you ^^^^^^^ hear about the ^^^^ new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling now? The pharmacist shouts in shocked disbelief, ''What are you doing, you bloody idiot? 9 COURTNIE Plymouth-born Courtnie is one of a raft of seaside sexies featuring in our countdown. And we never do things by halves at Nutsl \ X DA NIC A We love Danica so much we put her in the mag all the time! I've rediscovered my love for the game and really look forward to every England match - especially against incredible cricketers like the Indians. of the world in terms of runs scored, longevity and the way he conducts himself. already a series full of fantastic I feel good and confident about my game.You can order your Monza with a set of specially tailored luggage, or even a carbon fibre picnic set! All-you-can-eat data gives you truly unlimited internet, without fair use caps. So for the ultimate HD experience, get the amazing HTC Sensation on The One Plan. AH you T 2000 can eat data any network minutes 5000 Thre*-to-Tlir©e minutes A 5000 Pop into a 3 St o re, call uk Or see uk/ I X. he James Bond Golden Eye game franch ise has had So here are screen shots of Golden Eye 007 Reloaded, a a "difficult" history. If you've got the PS3's motion controller, stabbing baddies in the throat from behind immediately becomes infinitely more enjoyable* You sick puppy! 1 J Up to 16 people will be able to duke it out online, with classic Bond characters like Jaws, Oddjob and Xenia Onatopp.But either way, you'll be parting with around £250,000. You wouldn't dare VAV, ' I "Wait, I thought you ad the keys? Mgre info: Sign up for 24 months to gel this deal 1 Our indusive minutes/texts are for most UK mobiles and UK land Nrws • 08/070 numbers cost up to 20p per call plus 20p per minute/£1 ,02 per call plus 71 .5p per minute respectively - check price at u Wnts - See uk for all the details Sorry do not accept Visa Electron or Solo cards. I irsl high-def reworking of the Wii's there was Golden Eye 007, reworking of the oricj inal game. So are we, But it s LJ n 1997 (stick-on classic), then 2004's simple; Golden Eye remade with s Golden Eye Rogue Agent where you played a baddie (utter stinker) and last year's Wii Golden Eye "remake" (added spit and polish, sold qu ite well). Or do four-player split-screen, for classic Golden Eye thrills! Vill his Indian policeman is finding out, firs l hand and terrify ingly, what " 90kg leopard feels like rampage around Prakash Nagar ro; village in India, attacking six tra vil lagers, who took to their roofs on iahts back!

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